bored

the opposite of love is not hatred, it is apathy.


mich said this a long time ago but well i like to blog about things that are not helpful in any way. haha. ah well.


and it's very sad when you wish someone would hate you but all the person has is indifference. because hating someone takes alot of time and heart.


but it's also very boring to stay indifferent because all you have in the end is jadedness. and as you waste your life away you start to wonder what you're doing in the first place. if only nothing was of consequence and everything done would not be judged. maybe then we start to see the true nature of those we have the most faith in as they lie and cheat just like the people we call scum of the earth.


if i knew no one would judge me and there was no social stigma to be faced, maybe i would scratch the car a bitch owns, rob the bank, kick the fucking cats. i would punch the man who boarded the cab i was waiting for, i'd throw acid in your face, i'd tell you off even though everyone may love you just because i don't like your guts. i'd slap the person who said i was fat.


i'm not all good, but i will be good because i will be judged, i will face the consequences of my actions. there may be laws, but even more frightening is the reality of the social disincentive that comes with doing things deemed bad.


but then we come to doing good even though no one is looking. when you answer to your own conscience with what you do. when you don't do bad even when no one is looking. when you show your loveliness to no one but yourself and god. that's the judgement that truly matters.


caring too much about what people say about you is just going to break you from the inside and kill your self esteem. and when you bother with those comments you'll never give your 100% or tell the truth.


yet another blah post that i say to myself that is not true and does not represent me though i want myself to listen but many people will think i am evil because this is called blogging.




reality check: not yet started on bio and chem and cts are in less than 30 days. concert next friday and ticket sales are not moving. and ensemble is stagnant. i think if it were not for my section i would have turned autistic already. my notes are all over the place and the topics being tested for math will kill me. i have been genuinely unwell for more than a week and i have this impression no one believes that.


when life is in a mess you start to see the beauty of stress and the turmoil that slowly eats you up.


on a lighter note, jonathan leong is really v cute!!! hahah but i think i wunt be watching si nemore becos like all the other idol shows, i just watch the auditions until the top 12 are chosen. WHOAH I VERY ANGRY AH MY HOUSE IS REALLY INFESTED WITH MOSQUITOES.